10 Months Sober: It Is Well With My Soul

I haven’t blogged in a while. A series of unfortunate meant-to-be events have halted work on the Tiny House for the time being. We are changing projects, and possibly careers, relocating again, and making even more of these terrifying real-world decisions. It has me petrified. Why didn’t we learn more about all of this in school? I have yet to use calculus in any real life application…a lesson on how to make great garage sale signs or an in-depth study of the IRS would have been more useful at this point.

In the midst of all of this change, continuing to blog has again seemed pointless.  What I am thinking, and what I have to say, is gloomy and not uplifting. It is stress, and groaning and confusion. It is without direction. It is not helpful to anyone. These are not the pretty things people want to be reminded of…certainly not while thumbing through Facebook or reading a blog. My struggle will not teach you how to downsize your own problems, or install a compost toilet. These struggles are senseless; the transitioning, futile. 

AND  I THOUGHT WE HAD THIS ALL FIGURED OUT?!

But this is reality, and God does not waste hardships – instead He uses them to teach lessons, ignite a change, and bring us closer to Him. Purpose exists.

I suppose it’s worth it to say, that because it is not on social media, I have been pretending this period in our life is non-existent. These struggles are not being blogged about, not being acknowledged on Facebook or Instagram. There is no hashtag for my shit. (If there was, it would be #WhereDidIGoWrong or #HasEveryoneLostTheirMind …most likely) So for the most part, no one knows - we just aren’t talking about it. I’ll just close my eyes, bow my head, and the storm will pass. I will come out the other side superior, and improved upon – like a mucky rock turned polished Kendra Scott gemstone.

But that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

Instead, I am choosing to live in the reality of these moments. I am accepting this is our life right now, and I will be happy when it is all over – but I will also be happy now. I am not going to wait until we are settled, or until there is resolution, to be happy. Grander earth has quaked before…it is well with my soul.

We are approaching 10 months since leaving our previous employer, ditching consumerism, beginning this spiritual revolution, turning our lives on a dime. I count these days like alcoholics tally their time spent on the wagon. We are almost 10 months sober. Here’s what I’ve learned:

• ·         Don’t let the opinions of others keep you from being you: happy and marvelous.
• ·         We are so easily brought to our knees. Pray while you’re down there.
• ·         Owning too many things is disruptive to living comfortably.
• ·         Simple is better.
• ·         Worrying accomplishes nothing. Do something better with your time.
• ·         Motivation, inspiration, perspective, and bathing – these things do not last. Seek them daily.
• ·         Receive the love someone gives to you, instead of being disappointed when it’s not the love you thought you needed.
• ·         I am not alone, in struggles or victories. Someone can always learn from the story.
• ·         Don’t expect others to consider you.
• ·         Stay flexible.
• ·         Trying to be normal will get in the way of being amazing.
• ·         Don’t place blame. It takes root in the heart, and you can find a better use for that space.
• ·         If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, you will always be disappointed in the fish.

Just trust in Jesus. 

Amen.

• 
  

10 Things You Have Too Many Of

1. Books
Don’t freak out. I’m all about books. Really, I love them. Until I discovered Kindle and Audible, I was a library girl. I couldn’t afford my reading habit if I wanted to. Even so, I managed to collect a ridiculous amount of books. On the journey to tiny, minimalistic living – these clunky things just didn’t make the cut. Novels, best sellers, paperbacks, trashy beach reads, classics, chic-lit, biographies, self-help gospel, many with yard sale .50 stickers still clinging to the covers. We kept the cherished few we knew we would re-read, packed away the children’s books that would entertain P in a year’s time, and donated the rest. Those books were just another thing to dust, and now they are making someone happy! Or they are still collecting dust on a shady wire rack at Goodwill – I don’t care…at least I’m not dusting them.


2. Sheets
How many sets of mismatched, poorly folded sheets can fit into a linen closet – while still, just barely allowing the door to close? I don’t know, but that’s how many we had. If you have guests regularly, keep ONE matching extra set around. But seriously, donate the rest. Especially if they are hand me downs from your mother circa 1998. Nobody staying with you wants any part of that. Unless you are an avid living room sheet-fort builder, let it go.

3. Dishes
I know I am a hoarder, and I cannot judge the cupboards of America by my own stockpiling tendencies. But I’ve been doing some recon, and plenty of households have too many of these damn things piled up. Matching dishes are nice, but not everyone has them. You still don’t need more than 6-8 place settings depending on the size of your family and how often you entertain. I’ve found that we can live with a lot less than that. Other common dishes you have too many of: Tupperware (I bet you can’t find all of your lids!), glasses, awkward specialty utensils you got for your wedding that you don’t know how to use, souvenir cups, travel mugs, BBQ tools. Do your best, and remember you’re not Emeril Lagasse.

4. Pens
Too much of our lives are spent searching for a pen. Sit down with a pad and try them all out to see what’s worth saving and what’s dried up. If you have a small child, you can recruit them to help and then tell Pinterest it was developmental and stimulating and something about fine motor skills. Unless you sign contracts all day, or work as a teller at a drive-through bank – you seriously don’t need 270 of these things.

5. Toiletries
Ladies, I want to share something life changing with you: Your life will be better if you actually use your nice bath salts. Seriously. Like in the bath, and not in the zombie face-eating way. This sounds so trivial, but it’s really not. 3 months into this big adventure, when we knew we were heading to the tiny house but still living in the big house, I started using up all of my gifted soaps and salts. I had been saving them for a rainy day or special occasion, but they just took up space. Indulging felt like a treat, out of the ordinary, and amazing. You could read this like a metaphor for living in the moment and enjoying each day. Or you could just go soak your feet.

6. Clothes
I have too many thoughts on this subject. Certainly enough to warrant a separate blog post…and possibly an entire chapter of my mid-life memoirs… so, I’ll keep it simple. If it is ugly, uncomfortable, out of style, or makes you feel too fat-tall-skinny-short-cheap-pregnant-matronly-frumpy-weird, just get rid of it. Donate it.

7. Décor
Let me lead you into an epiphany…Have you ever realized: every time you buy a cute knickknack at Homegoods, or more throw pillows at Target, you don’t get rid of something in your house? Every time you come home with shopping bags containing goods that you don’t consume, your home is filling up with inanimate objects that take your space don’t pay rent. If you don’t use it, or love it – leave it. If it isn’t making you happy or making you money, TOSS THAT CRAP! Give it to someone who needs it, or wants it, or will take it away just so you don’t have to dust it anymore. Sidebar: If you have one of those big Live Laugh Love multi-photo frame wall hangings, you can go ahead and get rid of that too. I think we’re all done with those.

8. Sentimental items
Before you protest – I haven’t become some anti-nostalgia minimalist Nazi with a heart of stone. I know everyone needs a treasure box. Mementos are the sweet, amusing little things that your children will mock you for saving when they are half-way grown and start eye-rolling…and they will thank you for saving when they are grown, have children and can say “This is grandma’s old ….. and mommy’s old…..” But we don’t need to save everything. Scan in children’s artwork that isn’t sentimental enough to save. Upload it to the cloud, save it to a flash drive, consolidate. Think you will miss that crinkly coloring book portrait of Cinderella stained with transparent Pre-K watercolors? Not likely.

9. Somedays
“But, we might need this someday.” was easily the most overused phrase during our packing & purging experience. And, OK – it was mostly by me. I am a world-class junking queen, brought up on a steady diet of spray paint and DIY. I never said no to a yard sale… or a flea market, or a thrift store. Or spending loads of money on projects that sat in my garage like the loading dock of Goodwill Donation. You can make a lot of excuses to keep something around and we might need this, and when we do, I don’t want to spend money on it is a really good one. Think about what else it is that you need: space in your closet, room in your life, freedom from clutter, less dusting, clean rooms, and organization, plenty of storage instead of not enough. SO: Sell what you might need someday. Put that money away, accruing interest in a tidy little space-saving savings account. (if it doesn’t pay you, get rid of it – now we are making money!) Have a little faith, and your somedays will be covered.

10. Stresses
And, we’re going to wrap it up with a good little life lesson. The 10th thing you probably have too much of: stress. Obviously! And I can’t even tell you the best way to eliminate it. There’s already a multi-billion dollar industry devoted to teaching you just that. I can tell you what works for me. Downsizing has changed my perspective on things, where I spend my money, how I spend my time. So, are you contributing to your stress or your serenity? Hmm.

Well, the more money I made, the more I spent on things.
The more I spent on things,
the more I spent on a house to fit all the things,
on a storage unit to fit all the things,
on things to fix the house that fit the things,
on more things to organize all the things,
on more things to decorate the things that organized the things because they were generally ugly things,
on things to distract myself from the stressful build-up of things all around me,
on an escape from all of my things…

More things, more things, more things.

Less stress = less things.


Boom. Your problems are solved. Go get rid of something.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/92134589@N00/4426390064"></a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>

Valentine's Day is Almost Here!

I go back and forth on this holiday. Don't get me wrong, there is a big part of me that really wants to buy into the consumerism of it all. I am one sappy store display away from throwing my money at a Hallmark cashier in exchange for a giant plush bear and crappy mystery chocolates. The urge practically doubled  tripled once P was born. Can you imagine her face when she spots this enormous stuffed puppy holding a musical light-up heart box? (Insert heart-eyed smiley face emoji HERE!) I must buy ten.

But, seriously... we don't need that. We don't get much joy from it and I will likely end up chucking it all in the donate pile come spring cleaning next month. I must suppress the urge to go overboard.........

All of that being said, Valentine's Day in modern America typically boils down to one thing: expressing your love. If you choose to do that with a candlelight dinner, candy & stuffed bears, a sky writer, a barbershop quartet - whatever. It's fun to surprise one another, to be silly in expressing our love, and to have an altogether valid excuse to do something cheesy. 

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, and expressing your love (or, Like Like) here’s a collection of perfectly honest and cheese-worthy Valentines designed by yours truly. Feel free to download, print and send a little love this weekend.

XOXOX

Obviously, Troy may be getting this one.

For anyone, really.

But really, that's what lasers are for.

Our new Keurig makes it a close race, but hey...

Nothing says love like America's favorite barnyard animal

No man is perfect. I'd rather someone who takes diaper duty, anyway.

Like, it's more than just liking you. But, WHOA - not love, we're not going there yet.

Because: romance.

I KNOW YOU WHAAAALE, I KNOW YOU WHAAAALE

Inside all of us, there's a scared little lamb...afraid to take a chance.

Because stubble-free says a lot about your relationship. 

Best used in a "Mandatory Valentine" situation.

Because finding the silver lining is romantic.

A La Phoebe Buffay: HE'S HER LOBSTER!

Let 'em know you're in it for the right reasons now.

Official Floor Plan for the Mattern Tiny House

I am writing this post from the comfort of our temporary home – a circa 1950 Cape Cod style bungalow we currently share with 4 other adults and 6 dogs. As you can imagine, peaceful time to write doesn’t come often. Not that I am writing in peace and quiet right now. There is a loud banging, some clatter, and shots being fired (or was that the nail gun?). The otherwise obnoxious sounds of construction are currently music to my ears. Troy is building our tiny little home! YEAH!

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about what we would & would not include in our tiny house. Reading through your texts & Facebook messages after that was kind of  fun  interesting… but more on that later. Thanks for everyone who replied to that post, in one form or another – and YES, I may have lost my mind.

                As a follow up, here is a look at the official floor plan for our tiny house. Thoughts? Comment below with questions & feedback. I'd love to hear what you think!

What Am I Scared Of? Consider This A Lesson Learned.

We wandered around the empty rooms. Once cluttered and full, they sit hollow in front of us, smelling of paint and drywall and blankness. Places where our furniture once stood, now only recognizable by small dents in strands of carpet. Tiny finger prints on windows, shabby robes hung over bathroom hooks, muddy paw prints caked thick on smooth new concrete… These things do not live here anymore.

And neither do we.

Fresh paint, empty drywall. A clean page for this new family, an erased page of our own. This is so very weird to me.

.............................................................................................................................................

This afternoon, we officially signed the papers that closed one very big chapter of our lives. We sold our "big house" today.

So many emotions are flying around right now, the most prevalent of those being relief. I feel free. I feel lighter. I feel cleansed. If today was a text, my emojis would be airplanes, fireworks, sunshine and maybe a money bag. There is joy here, do not get me wrong.

But as with anything coming to an end, there is also nostalgia, some sadness, anxiety - maybe a little fear, if I'm being honest. This feels very…big. The quiet voices of fear are creeping in, suddenly not so quiet, as we sign these very official documents.

What if we are making a mistake?

What if we regret this?

But this is irrational thinking. We have chosen to live a life without regrets. Daily, we make it a point to look forward. Troy likes to ask me, when I get nervous or discouraged,

“What is the worst that can happen?”

That brings me back to reality. What is the worst that can happen? We miss the house – we can build it again. We miss having space – we can have it again. We miss the town – we can go there again. We are afraid of change – our lives will change again, and again, and again. We make mistakes daily, and eventually learn lessons. Lessons that change our habits, and eventually morph into convictions. We continue to grow. So this fear crawling over me is irrational. The more I type this, the more I can feel the truth of it sink in to my bones.

Fear of change is human nature, an instinct rooted in self-preservation. But there should be no fear here, to cloud the triumph that exists in following your heart. There should be no anxiety to sour the realization of a new freedom. There should only be humility, recognition, gratitude and hope. When we do set our eyes on the future, we will do so with confidence, faith and this newly learned lesson: Don’t think too hard about it. About your life, your plans, this time, or these roadblocks. Life can change in an instant. When it does, be confident in the beauty of today and the promise of a future…wherever it may take you.

How Tiny is Too Tiny? What Made The Cut in Our Tiny House

When Troy and I first discussed tiny house living, I was quite apprehensive. We bounced around between ideas, considering a freestanding tiny house, tiny house on wheels, an RV or 5^th Wheel, a middle earth hobbit hole (just kidding, but boy would T be happy). My main concern was for our everyday creature comforts. How is a tiny house going to affect the way we live? Is it going to feel like a home? I had absolutely no interest in signing up for a living situation that would drastically change our current lifestyle. I was wrong to think this way, because our lifestyle desperately needed changing. But, more on that later.

When we landed on the idea of a tiny house, we knew we would be building it ourselves. This gives us flexibility with time, plans, and budget. We can build this tiny house exactly how we want it! Which is ….how? Neither of us knew, we still don’t I suppose. We have never lived tiny. Nevertheless, we came up with a list of must haves for our tiny house, and a list of things we could do without if needed.

Here is our pre-construction list of tiny house must-haves, which helped us develop our 480 square foot tiny house plan.

1.       No lofted master bedroom. Lofted bedrooms are probably the most common feature among tiny houses, but we opted against it. Almost every tiny house we have seen utilizes loft space for the main bedroom. But, I get claustrophobic and Troy is pretty tall. Climbing in and out each morning and night just wasn’t appealing. How one would make the bed in a room you can’t stand up in is still a mystery to me (I struggle with fitted sheets as it is.) All signs pointed to lofts becoming a disruption of our daily life, not worth the discomfort. Instead, we chose to raise our bedroom on a platform approximately 18 inches from the floor. We will have decent storage space underneath the platform, and Troy will be able to move about without hunching over.

2.       Full size refrigerator. We do a lot of cooking with fresh ingredients, and I didn’t see how I could manage a trip to the grocery store 2-3 times a week. A dorm-size fridge just doesn’t work for a family of three. Troy and P alone take down at least 2 gallons of milk a week! Full size, all the way.

3.       Indoor plumbing. This one may seem like a no brainer to most of our friends and family. It is 2015, sweet baby cakes - indoor plumbing is a given. But in the tiny house community, it actually isn’t. Many supporters of the tiny house movement focus largely on sustainability, low impact building and their ability to go off the grid. Compost toilets and black water tanks are common. I, however, am not there yet. I want a hot shower and a toilet that flushes. Period.

4.       A place for P, behind a door. I haven’t been able to find a lot of blogs about tiny house families with young children. Maybe because there aren’t any. Maybe that means we are crazy. Either way, it is very important that P has a door to shut, and her own private space. Finding privacy in 480 square feet is going to be difficult. We wanted our floor plan to be as open as possible, but being able to shut her door during naps & at bedtime is WAY more important. Don’t wake that sleeping baby. Also, safety. You know your drunk college roommate, who would come home in the middle of the night, rummaging through the fridge and stumbling around in the dark? That would be my toddler if we gave up the door.

5.       Closet space. Reading tiny house blogs and watching the video tours, it became very clear that closet space is not a priority among tiny house builders. Many tiny-housers end up finding alternative storage for their additional clothing/shoes. This seems like such a hassle to me. It is hard enough to get ready in the morning with all of us rushing around, and a toddler who never seems to own matching shoes. I don’t want to go through 3 or 4 different areas of my house to piece together an ensemble. One place, all of the clothes.

6.       A TV. One you can see from the main room and the bedroom. We are actually installing 2 TVs. Yes, 2 TVs in 480 square feet seems a little overkill. But, we like our TV time. We like our football, DVR, movies, work out videos, music channels, Full House reruns - we like it all. Troy and I both enjoy background noise while we cook, clean, and go about the house. Plus, movies in bed? How could we give that up? Feel free to question our priorities in the comments below….

These “must-haves” are outside of our general requirements for safety, efficiency, durability, etc. In order to make all of that happen, we made a list of things we were willing to compromise on, or remove altogether. Such as…

1.       The stove/range. A standard full size range is almost 3 feet wide. (¼ of the width of our house!) For the sake of cabinet space, we took a different approach. We will be purchasing a 2 burner cooktop. It will likely be electric and portable, so we can stow it away and utilize the additional counter space when needed. In place of a traditional oven, we will use a 10 in 1 style cooker with multiple functions. Items with multiple functions and dual purposes are basically a tiny-housers dream. These things are like crock-pot*frying pan*bread maker*veggie steamer*oven*roaster ninja hybrids.  This is going to be a big change for us, as a family that does a lot of cooking. Stay tuned.

2.       The dishwasher. So….we won’t have one. Whew, glad I got that off my chest. A lot of people will really judge you for that! I am going to scrape, scrub and disinfect our dishes by hand from now on. When we analyzed how much time we currently spend soaking, scrubbing, washing and scraping dishes, only to load them in the dishwasher for a quick disinfecting steam, we realized we wouldn’t spend much more time going this route. Plus: cabinet space. No dishwasher, more cabinet space. Storage space is king.

3.       A bath tub. This is something we went back and forth on. Both Troy and I agree that we could live without a bath tub, but the shower in our current home is one thing that will be hard to say goodbye to. Right up there with TV watching, we love to shower. We like to shower solo, as a family, with the dogs, with our clothes on if P ate ravioli for lunch and we are covered in sauce. We can all pile in our current shower like it’s a drive through carwash. We would like to pull off a smaller version of a walk-in shower in the tiny house. Don’t laugh at us, we aren’t just wishful thinkers. Maybe I’ll wash the dishes in there, too.

4.       A kitchen table. Maybe we are classless Neanderthals, but we rarely eat at our kitchen table. Like, maybe 5 times a year. When we bought ‘The Big House’ we talked about all of the fabulous dinner parties we would host for our friends, but our parties were rarely sit down dinner parties and we don’t see our friends as often as we would like. No kitchen table, no problem. I’ll have a makeup table instead.

5.       Traditional finishes. This was an easy one to ditch. Building the tiny house is going to be anything but traditional. If we are going to build something small, it shouldn’t be too hard to make it awesome. We plan on using reclaimed or non-traditional materials to come up with unique & interesting space that we love being in.

I get messages from so many of my friends on social media with questions about what the tiny house will and will not have. Hopefully this gives you guys a better idea of what we are trying to accomplish! What would be on your “Can’t Live Without” list? Leave me a comment below!!

All Packed Up: One Step Closer to Tiny House Living

It’s just after midnight, and once again sleep is nothing more than a faraway idea.

It could be the Red Bull this afternoon, keeping me awake…it could be binge watching episodes of Stalker before bed. Or, I could be desperately in need of some time to write…and post the things I have been writing.

Either way, I am grateful to Troy for leaving out a few of my herbal tea K-Cups when he packed up the rest of the pantry. Anticipating my insomnia? He says I Love You that way, when he thinks of me.

 

It’s not just our pantry contents. Most of our belongings are in boxes at the moment. What hasn’t been given away, donated to thrift stores, purged, recycled, or burned (Yes, burned. That was a fun night) is safely packed away in liquor store boxes marked storage or tiny house. We have a small selection of items going with us to the main house, where we will live while the tiny house is under construction. These things consist mainly of clothing (all of Troy’s wardrobe and about 1/3 of mine & P’s) office supplies, food, and toiletries. Everything else will sit patiently in newspaper and bubble wrap until our tiny house is move in ready. This adventure is becoming real.

It is interesting to me, to see the heap of stuff we moved in here with and the fraction of it that we are leaving with. It is interesting to me, to think of the year we spent buying furniture, décor, clothing and other junk just to fill this space…and now we spend our hours trying to empty it. I don’t know if I really believed in the power of consumerism until I witnessed this transformation. I don’t know if I really believed Troy, when he told me I was a hoarder.

In just ten days we will wave goodbye to our big house, our first house, this great house. And while I am saddened over some of the things we will leave here, I am altogether filled with relief to be going. There is nothing that exists inside this structure that we cannot have, do, or feel anywhere else. In ten days we will close the door, and hand over the keys – no longer ours. We will cut ties with yet another anchor that has held us down this year, and we will be so very free.

I couldn’t be any more excited.