What Am I Scared Of? Consider This A Lesson Learned.

We wandered around the empty rooms. Once cluttered and full, they sit hollow in front of us, smelling of paint and drywall and blankness. Places where our furniture once stood, now only recognizable by small dents in strands of carpet. Tiny finger prints on windows, shabby robes hung over bathroom hooks, muddy paw prints caked thick on smooth new concrete… These things do not live here anymore.

And neither do we.

Fresh paint, empty drywall. A clean page for this new family, an erased page of our own. This is so very weird to me.

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This afternoon, we officially signed the papers that closed one very big chapter of our lives. We sold our "big house" today.

So many emotions are flying around right now, the most prevalent of those being relief. I feel free. I feel lighter. I feel cleansed. If today was a text, my emojis would be airplanes, fireworks, sunshine and maybe a money bag. There is joy here, do not get me wrong.

But as with anything coming to an end, there is also nostalgia, some sadness, anxiety - maybe a little fear, if I'm being honest. This feels very…big. The quiet voices of fear are creeping in, suddenly not so quiet, as we sign these very official documents.

What if we are making a mistake?

What if we regret this?

But this is irrational thinking. We have chosen to live a life without regrets. Daily, we make it a point to look forward. Troy likes to ask me, when I get nervous or discouraged,

“What is the worst that can happen?”

That brings me back to reality. What is the worst that can happen? We miss the house – we can build it again. We miss having space – we can have it again. We miss the town – we can go there again. We are afraid of change – our lives will change again, and again, and again. We make mistakes daily, and eventually learn lessons. Lessons that change our habits, and eventually morph into convictions. We continue to grow. So this fear crawling over me is irrational. The more I type this, the more I can feel the truth of it sink in to my bones.

Fear of change is human nature, an instinct rooted in self-preservation. But there should be no fear here, to cloud the triumph that exists in following your heart. There should be no anxiety to sour the realization of a new freedom. There should only be humility, recognition, gratitude and hope. When we do set our eyes on the future, we will do so with confidence, faith and this newly learned lesson: Don’t think too hard about it. About your life, your plans, this time, or these roadblocks. Life can change in an instant. When it does, be confident in the beauty of today and the promise of a future…wherever it may take you.