10 Months Sober: It Is Well With My Soul

I haven’t blogged in a while. A series of unfortunate meant-to-be events have halted work on the Tiny House for the time being. We are changing projects, and possibly careers, relocating again, and making even more of these terrifying real-world decisions. It has me petrified. Why didn’t we learn more about all of this in school? I have yet to use calculus in any real life application…a lesson on how to make great garage sale signs or an in-depth study of the IRS would have been more useful at this point.

In the midst of all of this change, continuing to blog has again seemed pointless.  What I am thinking, and what I have to say, is gloomy and not uplifting. It is stress, and groaning and confusion. It is without direction. It is not helpful to anyone. These are not the pretty things people want to be reminded of…certainly not while thumbing through Facebook or reading a blog. My struggle will not teach you how to downsize your own problems, or install a compost toilet. These struggles are senseless; the transitioning, futile. 

AND  I THOUGHT WE HAD THIS ALL FIGURED OUT?!

But this is reality, and God does not waste hardships – instead He uses them to teach lessons, ignite a change, and bring us closer to Him. Purpose exists.

I suppose it’s worth it to say, that because it is not on social media, I have been pretending this period in our life is non-existent. These struggles are not being blogged about, not being acknowledged on Facebook or Instagram. There is no hashtag for my shit. (If there was, it would be #WhereDidIGoWrong or #HasEveryoneLostTheirMind …most likely) So for the most part, no one knows - we just aren’t talking about it. I’ll just close my eyes, bow my head, and the storm will pass. I will come out the other side superior, and improved upon – like a mucky rock turned polished Kendra Scott gemstone.

But that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

Instead, I am choosing to live in the reality of these moments. I am accepting this is our life right now, and I will be happy when it is all over – but I will also be happy now. I am not going to wait until we are settled, or until there is resolution, to be happy. Grander earth has quaked before…it is well with my soul.

We are approaching 10 months since leaving our previous employer, ditching consumerism, beginning this spiritual revolution, turning our lives on a dime. I count these days like alcoholics tally their time spent on the wagon. We are almost 10 months sober. Here’s what I’ve learned:

• ·         Don’t let the opinions of others keep you from being you: happy and marvelous.
• ·         We are so easily brought to our knees. Pray while you’re down there.
• ·         Owning too many things is disruptive to living comfortably.
• ·         Simple is better.
• ·         Worrying accomplishes nothing. Do something better with your time.
• ·         Motivation, inspiration, perspective, and bathing – these things do not last. Seek them daily.
• ·         Receive the love someone gives to you, instead of being disappointed when it’s not the love you thought you needed.
• ·         I am not alone, in struggles or victories. Someone can always learn from the story.
• ·         Don’t expect others to consider you.
• ·         Stay flexible.
• ·         Trying to be normal will get in the way of being amazing.
• ·         Don’t place blame. It takes root in the heart, and you can find a better use for that space.
• ·         If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, you will always be disappointed in the fish.

Just trust in Jesus. 

Amen.

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All Packed Up: One Step Closer to Tiny House Living

It’s just after midnight, and once again sleep is nothing more than a faraway idea.

It could be the Red Bull this afternoon, keeping me awake…it could be binge watching episodes of Stalker before bed. Or, I could be desperately in need of some time to write…and post the things I have been writing.

Either way, I am grateful to Troy for leaving out a few of my herbal tea K-Cups when he packed up the rest of the pantry. Anticipating my insomnia? He says I Love You that way, when he thinks of me.

 

It’s not just our pantry contents. Most of our belongings are in boxes at the moment. What hasn’t been given away, donated to thrift stores, purged, recycled, or burned (Yes, burned. That was a fun night) is safely packed away in liquor store boxes marked storage or tiny house. We have a small selection of items going with us to the main house, where we will live while the tiny house is under construction. These things consist mainly of clothing (all of Troy’s wardrobe and about 1/3 of mine & P’s) office supplies, food, and toiletries. Everything else will sit patiently in newspaper and bubble wrap until our tiny house is move in ready. This adventure is becoming real.

It is interesting to me, to see the heap of stuff we moved in here with and the fraction of it that we are leaving with. It is interesting to me, to think of the year we spent buying furniture, décor, clothing and other junk just to fill this space…and now we spend our hours trying to empty it. I don’t know if I really believed in the power of consumerism until I witnessed this transformation. I don’t know if I really believed Troy, when he told me I was a hoarder.

In just ten days we will wave goodbye to our big house, our first house, this great house. And while I am saddened over some of the things we will leave here, I am altogether filled with relief to be going. There is nothing that exists inside this structure that we cannot have, do, or feel anywhere else. In ten days we will close the door, and hand over the keys – no longer ours. We will cut ties with yet another anchor that has held us down this year, and we will be so very free.

I couldn’t be any more excited.