While it is already close to 7 am here, both my babes are
fast in the thick of medicine-induced influenza snoring, asleep in their beds.
I am left here. Awakened by the infinite power of the mommy clock, telling me someone
needs Cheerios or juice, dogs need to be let out, the Keurig needs water, I
left wet clothes in the wash overnight, I forgot to send that
email/memo/check/text, we are out of diapers, I haven’t washed my hair…which
means I know I am forgetting a meeting I have today…
Just, awake.
I spent 30 minutes indulging in the hot bath that left me
pruned and sweaty and overall not “relaxed”, and another 30 or so minutes catching
up on a few favorite blogs, and another seemingly infinite amount of time
reading through BuzzFeed lists about being a child of the 90’s, the struggles
of being an introvert, what it is like to love someone with ADD (to forward to
Troy), 25 signs you are doing it wrong, 30 signs you are doing it right...
Why am I not writing?
I am dying to write. I toss and turn in bed, disappointed that
I haven’t found time to write. Here is your time, Mattern. Stop sweating it
away in your garden tub.
After all, I haven’t published anything on my blog since
August. AUGUST! After all of the courage it took me to start the damn thing (See
BuzzFeed’s list on the Struggle of Being an Introvert and combine that with something about ADD...) 4 months of this year
went by with nary a whisper or blip from good ‘ole me.
Shame.
I have written
here and there. I have dictated little notes and ideas and paragraphs from the
car, in line at the bank, when Paisley is fast asleep and unable to shout, “Nooo
talking momma, MORE SONGS PWEASE!!!” from her little pink car seat. But I haven’t
had anything “good enough” to post.
This morning, in the early hours of quiet that I never seem
to see in my house, I decided to say, “Fuck That.”
Not loudly, because I am not crazy and WOULD NEVER interrupt
the silence (or semi-silence… there is a quite a bit of snoring) with a triumphant
curse word. But, Fuck that.
I created this blog to document our transformation as a
family, as we moved from our nearly 3,000 square foot home into a Tiny House or
RV. As we journey out of the little bit of debt we have accumulated. As we come
to know a happiness that exists in experiences and love, instead of material
things. As we think about and come to know Christ and Love in a way that changes and moves us. As we get rid of old ideas, and emerge new.
It has taken us 3 1/2 months to sell our home. It has been a
time of packing, purging, bachelorette parties and maid-of-honor duties,
birthday parties, weddings, travel, obligations, business, physical therapy, ice cream therapy, growing new
friendships and saying goodbye to the old..
These 4 months were definitely something worth writing
about. They were poignant and mattered, perhaps much more than other time periods in
my life. And I am sorry I didn’t document them.
So, here’s to catching up. To quiet mornings. To having the
courage to realize: the little things mattered.
.jpg)
